Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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