I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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