ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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