what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
