fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Is it because I queefed?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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