im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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