If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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