please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Boobs speak an international language.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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