I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
