I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Are we still banned from the library?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
