i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
