I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think i got beer on your cat.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
