About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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