This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
