I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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