he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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