i just made my gag reflex go away.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize