I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
