If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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