I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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