I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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