dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize