At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I supernannyed him into submission
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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