if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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