mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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