so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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