but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
