He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
