It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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