It's Friday. Sex?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
