would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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