I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
