wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
