Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
