ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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