you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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