I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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