So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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