love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
