I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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