I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
