So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
