this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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