Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
