Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize