i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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