Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
