the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
