I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
