Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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