dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
