A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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