So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
