There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
