DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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