In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
