Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize