Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
