am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
