Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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