she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
