need another drink. this is the easiest way
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
