it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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