I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
