You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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