So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
