You really coming over, don't trick.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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