I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
