remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Im part way to drunk.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
