i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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