pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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