Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
